Akhilleus Ponders
by Ehwaz-Ansuz-Kano
Summary: Akhilleus ponders his love for his cousin Patroklos after he’s gone and Odysseus just happens to try and have a civilized talk with him.


Based upon Homer's "The Iliad" translated by Robert Fitzgerald.

Disclaimer: I do not own Akhilleus, Patroklos, Odysseus, or any other character from the Iliad.

* * *

He sat staring blankly out into the ocean. The shifting waters seemed to have a life of their own, moving and rippling. The vivid hues of green and blue danced before his eyes. He spread his hand over the breach sand and felt the course texture. He lifted his hand and watched as the sand spilled through the cracks between his fingers.

He felt the wind whisper through his yellow hair and his tunic sway against his skin. He heard the water lap about his bare feet, heard the footsteps and murmur of voices behind him. He saw the ocean and could make out the blazing stars in the cloudless sky. Yet none of it matter anymore. He was dead. Hektor had killed him.

After he had heard of his dear friend's death he had vowed to end Hektor's life. To see the Trojan lying at his feet on death's threshold, begging for his life to be spared. He would not grant any mercy though. Hektor had not shown any to Patroklos or to Akhaians. And surely the Myrmidons had suffered losses from the Trojan Prince.

Having no armor he had been unable to go and avenge his fallen comrade. His mother the silvery-footed Thetis had promised new and finer armor made by Hephaistos, but that would not arrive until dawn. Hektor tamer of horses had taken his armor off Patroklos' body. He could not help but regret ever letting his friend don his armor and join the battle. He remembered the way Patroklos use to smile and the way his cerulean eyes held that youthful fire. The lips would never curve upward and the fire was gone. He felt his eyes brim with tears once more for his cousin, yet he held them back and forced them away.

He heard footsteps just behind him and someone lower themselves onto the beach. No one had dared come anywhere near him knowing he might take his anger out on them. He made no move to acknowledge the arrival, instead choosing to remain staring out into the ocean. Patroklos' eyes had resembled the color of the Aegean.

"You put terror into the Trojans today, Lord Akhilleus."

"What do you want, Odysseus?"

Odysseus picked up a clump of sand and dutifully watched the sand trickle from his fingers. "I believe all the Trojans lost their valor at the sight of the great runner Akhilleus glaring down at them. Hektor must be aware that his death is close at hand." In his subtle way he added in the mist of his praise, "Tell me, friend, how are you fairing?"

"Fairing?" Akhilleus gave a sharp bitter laugh. The man glanced at Akhilleus gravely. "Oh, Odysseus, you thinking I'm fairing. How wrong you are! Allow me to propose a question to you." When Odysseus nodded, Akhilleus spoke slowly; his eyes cast upward staring into the darkened night sky. "You've told me about your wife Penelope and your infant son Telemachus, was it?"

"Yes, but what do they have to do with anything?" Odysseus leaned back on his arms and staring longingly in what he assumed was the direction of Ithaka.

"You shall see shrewd Odysseus. Imagine Penelope donned in her finest chiton and bejeweled from head to foot. See her hair shinning and her eyes aflame with passion. Think of how lovely she is." Odysseus closed his eyes, seeing his beautiful Penelope smiling at his return, her eyes artfully made up with kohl and her arms as white as ivory waiting to embrace him.

"Now think of your son. Telemachus who was an infant when you left must now be a young boy. He must look much like his father and certainly he is just as cunning."

He smiled; yes his son must be handsome now. He could see his wife watching their son playing and wishing her husband was there so he could teach Telemachus about being a man. He had the sickening feeling that he would never be there while Telemachus grew into manhood. "Akhilleus, son of Thetis, what does this have to do with Lord Patroklos' death? Since when have you become a storyteller?"

Akhilleus worked his jaw at hearing that name spoken aloud. Even in his thought thinking the name caused a great pain for him. He licked his lips before turning to Odysseus for the first time. The other warrior shifted his weight slightly, feeling uneasy when his eyes met Akhilleus glistering ones. His attention moved back to the Aegean as the water moved in and soaked his feet. He lay with his legs stretched out and his arms resting limply in the sand. His feet became immersed by the blue green liquid. Odysseus when he had come over had taken a spot just out of the water's reach.

"If Penelope was ravaged by many cruel and hateful men and they in turned slaughtered her, what would you do? If each one had his way with her and did barbaric acts to her and shamed her, you would make sure none of them lived to boast of it? Wouldn't you? And if your son Telemachus was run through with a javelin or sword would you not make sure his killer never saw his own son again or his wife? Would you not do this and then know you had nothing more to live for. How could you keeping living when your dearest wife and beloved son where on other side of the River Styx."

He said nothing, his throat dry at the very thought of his wife and son dead. He gave a soft sigh and murmured stiffly, "I would do all that and more."

"Odysseus, Hektor has taken my life from me! He has taken the one man I cherished best and killed him! He now wears my armor and boasts about it to the Trojan swine! I will have my revenge, no matter what any mortal or god wants!" Akhilleus swerved his head around and his eyes locked with Odysseus'. His face was ashen and his eyes wide and glistering with tears. "And soon after I know my own death looms. I will die happily knowing I have not shamed Patroklos. I never told him I loved him. I should have… I was a fool. I was too concerned with my rage for Agamemnon and my woe over Briseis to bother with poor Patroklos. I never deserved him or his love."

The Ithaka king was at a lost for words, this was a rare occasion for him and one he didn't like. "Lord Akhilleus," the words came like a trickling stream, slowly at first but then with vigor. "I know, we all know, what Patroklos meant to you. You and he were lovers and no one dared suggest that you did not love him. It is clear to see at how you mourn him. Settle your heart, Akhilleus; no one doubts your capacity for love. You have loved many woman and men, yet he knew that you cared more for him! It is evident because out of all your other lovers you never kept them around and he was always with you, always at your side when you needed him. He was your cousin and even I would not put up with a cousin for so long if I did not love him. Patroklos was well deserving of your love and I know by the River Styx that he knew you loved him also."

Akhilleus was silent, his hands now sat in his lap. Hands, which had killed hundreds of great warriors and would no doubt kill more, lay clutching each other. His cheeks wet with tears the great runner gave a groan. "Perhaps…" The word was faint and for a moment he wondered if he had heard it. "Leave, I wish to be alone now."

He stood but paused watching the other, "Akhilleus…"

"Go, I'll come in soon enough."

"Remember my words and take heart Great Prince."

When the man had disappeared from view and his footsteps died down, godlike Akhilleus gave a moan and stared up into the stars, gazing with a stoic countenance. "Patroklos…"


End file.
